Angst zu versagen

In a world, full of fear, full of war and hatred...
We live there, unbelivebly calm, silent, between murder, rape and cruelties we see and recognize on TV.
How on earth can we protect this world. I want to love my life. I want to be part of the world. But not a world like this. Not a world, where you have to protect your children like animals their cubs. Where comes this responsibility, who tells me how to be good. Inside my body, in every cell I try to find the answer. The answer on the question, what needs to be done in the world, to make a change, to find the beginning.
Be a part. Be envolved. And for heavens sake, love your next ones. Because if you don't, you are not better than the people in Palästina or Israel who hate their neighbours. All those feelings, jealousy, untruthness - they are all part of belonging. You want power, money, land, religion, ideals, or luxury. But with all your effort, you can't provide FREEDOM, PEACE, CALMNESS or LOVE. These are natural things, that happen - in you. That's nature and that's what everybody is supposed to understand.
Today, I didn't see all the nude bodies, titts and budds. In theatre, Performance show in la Chapelle. There I tried to follow my rythm of life, my stream of educative beeing. Instead, I had my first time...
my first time to be invited for a drink of a stranger ;) and the best and special aspect is the fact, that it was an old man between 60 and 70 I gues. It's not about age, or money, but we would have had the chance to follow him into the Delta-Hotel Bar Lounge for some other drinks on his money from Alberta... but seriously.
I am not that poor and weak to do this one day befor I leave the country.
Quebec, Toonto, Montreal und New York, das is mal das Programm für 2 Wochen am Ende eines Auslandsaufenthalts, auch wenn in Deutschland viele Städte darauf lauern, von mir besucht zu werden. Ich weiß nicht ob ich erwachsen werden will. Ob ich mit meinen eigenen Ansprüchen an meine Lebensführung und die einer Familie überhaupt erreichen kann. Wie soll das denn gehn, ich denke ich hatte so eine wunderschöne Kindheit, ohne Sorge, Nöte oder schwerwiegender Qual.
But not weeping, the source is not over, not dried.
One question and one idea to the aether: there is a fire burning in me. But not the violent, detroying fire. But the fire of love. Of unreachable and wonderfull love.
It dosn't matter that I am still stuck in the fear and disgust os strangers. But this is just a picture, a mirrow to our own lives. We need to reach a point of recognition, of living together, of knowing each other. Only then, we are able to live freedomly, to live without borders. Then, we create a community of protection and real, untouched living. The strangers are far away, only the strangers in us invites us to trust, empathize with  my friends and my family. This is the point of perfection, the reason to fight and live for.

Small comment: A smoothy of my soul would taste like a Centre Shock! And believe it or not, but we exist for some reason. We are special, and that's why every new day is a miracle for hope and love.
Your friends will tell you this... not only some good holidays, but every day: HAVE A GOOD LIVE !